GAY PEOPle's ChronICLE NOVEMBER 21, 1997

Benefit

For

Community

AIDS Network

3rd Annual

Angels On The Run

Hosted By Highland Theatre

December 6, 1997

Doors Open 6 p.m. with Refreshments and Cash Bar

SASSY

URPRISE

Curtain Call 7:20 p.m. Show Starts at 7:30 p.m.

Two Hilarious and Entertaining Shows *the best in female illusionists*

For Tickets call:

Tickets $15-$25

Community AIDS Network 330-375-2000

Richard House Of Pearl 330-733-6925

Ron 330-773-8386

* Also available at the Highland Theatre, Café 115, Adams Street

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BIG TIPS

keep having vivid dreams about a three-way romp

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

IfI don't watch out, I'm going to be courtmartialed and unceremoniously stripped of my Orderly Girl on the Block medal. I used to come home from work, go through my mail, promptly recycle the junk, pay my bills, and file correspondence in the appropriate To Be Answered pile.

I'd clean out my bag of the day's notes and detritus, put on a little music, read a book, perhaps dine with a friend. Dishes? Why, they'd been washed after the last meal, so now they were dry to put away. I laughed at deadlines: Of course I met them. What lollygaggers couldn't plan ahead and do what they were supposed to, on time?

Well, how low the high and mighty have fallen. Apparently the balance of my life was more delicate than it appeared, because it only took one gust of fresh air to set that scale a-swingin': a girlfriend with a dog.

I knew I'd have less time alone for maintaining spot-free wine glasses, but I had no idea that more traffic actually equaled more grit (and paw prints, and fur). I'm still managing to get things done, but believe me, if my life was a van, it would have "Wash Me" written in the dirt on the back doors.

The surprising thing is, most of my friends are relieved. Apparently my preternatural neatness had actually been disturbing. Well, now that I'm using a leaf blower to clean my living room floor, everyone can feel much more relaxed and at home. Not surprisingly, especially me.

Dear Big Tipper,

I have a new girlfriend and she's a dreamboat. She's beautiful and smart and sexy and I love her. We're pretty compatible about most things, although some discussions we've put off until the actual occasion

arrives.

One of these is non-monogamy and another is three-ways. This is fine with us (to put it off) because why should we try to figure out the details of a situation when we don't really know them yet, right?

The only reason I'm thinking about these particular issues is that I keep having these dreams where she's having three-ways with my friends. It's almost always with couples I know, although it's all different couples (all women). I'm never having sex with them in the dreams, although sometimes I'm watching.

Once when I woke up, I told her about the dream and said I wish she hadn't had her first three-way without me (in the dream), and she said, "But then it would have been a four-way." So, she's obviously not threatened by my dreams, which is good, but I really wonder why I keep having them. We've been together for two months, and I've had this dream over six or seven times, and I always wake up with my privates twitching and wet.

I love having sex with her and when I'm awake I don't feel like we have to "save the relationship" by “spicing things up.” What do you think this all means?

Dear Dream Beaver,

Fourth Wheel

I have to say, until you got to the juicy privates part, I was leaning towards the "maybe you just want your friends to accept your lover" tip, but it all got a little, well, steamy at the end, wouldn't you say?

Granted, any sexy dream about your sweetie, or even just dreaming about people doin' it in general could get you heated up, but this sounds like something that you're stuck on. I don't know if you've been in a three-way before, but if not, it sounds like something you might be interested in, yes? Maybe it's time to have that conversation with your hon, even if it's just about the possibility of it ever happening. You might decide that it's just a good thing to talk dirty about, or maybe you'd like to start keeping your eyes peeled for a comely third (or fourth) party.

Then again, maybe you just want your friends to accept your lover.

Dear Big Tipper,

I feel like my lover is trying to sabotage everything I care about. I planted a little dogwood tree this spring on our tree belt, and I just loved it, and “Alice” started saying it had a fungus, and was going to die.

It wasn't near any other trees, so it wouldn't have spread any disease it may have had, and I didn't think it looked bad at all, and I figured it would either make it through the winter or not.

When I came home from work yesterday I found it dug up, snapped in half and next to the compost heap, and “Alice” said she was tired of waiting for me to do it, and she was mad at me for the fact that she had to do this.

I'd told her that I wanted to just see how it went. It's not like it was a dying animal in pain, or an eyesore or anything. How dare she kill my tree, and then get mad at me? She just does these things that seem small but seem systematic. She threw away the lid of my kitchen trash can because "she didn't know what it went to." How about the trash can it matches? Now her dog constantly eats out of the garbage can because she threw away the damned lid.

She's never been the type to be extremely considerate, but this past year I feel like she goes out of her way to be mean and hurt my feelings. Then she twists things around inside herself so that she can feel like I'm the one who makes her this long suffering maintainer of the way things are supposed to be. I don't know how to get out of this situation. Help!

Married to a Murderess

Dear Tree is a Tragic Bummer,

No one snaps a tree in half because it was diseased and had to be dug up.

She's mad about something, or everything, and she's setting you up instead of "using her words." Try to find out what she's really mad about, and if she can't come up with anything good, get your heinies to a couples counselor because you may be past the point of being able to have a calm, fair discussion on your own. Good luck.

Want to get some advice in real time? I cohost Savage Love Live, a weekly call-in radio sex advice program, and we're broadcasting live on the Internet. Check out the site: www.savageonline.com.

Meanwhile, please keep sending your burning questions on life and love to M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216631-1052, or e-mail to martone@@ drizzle.com.

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